Subconscious: – Hey bro, why do you keep having these conversations with me?

Conscious: – No idea! I should lock you in a basement with no food, water or light and let you rot there.

Subconscious: – Awww… I love you too, bro! But still… answer the question! Why do you keep having these conversations with me? You always say how much you hate them; however, it seems that you cannot ignore me. I mean the world to you, don’t I? You love me, don’t you? I knew it!!!

Conscious: – If with “love” you mean hate, yes, I love you! You put “pain” in my painful world!

Subconscious: – And still… you keep coming back for more and more! You love me so much!

Conscious: – It’s not like I can get rid of you… we share the same head, remember?

Subconscious: – Yeah… but we have separate rooms. Uh, Uh, I know! You keep talking to me because you have no one else to talk to! That’s why!

Conscious: – I have lots of people to talk to! And you keep entering my room all the time!

Subconscious: – You are the one keeping the door unlocked, bro! Yeah, you have lots of people to talk to, but with how many of them you can have a real conversation, huh?

Conscious: – F***…

Subconscious: – Yeah… f***! Admit it! I’m your soulmate! I’m the only one with whom you can have a real conversation!

Conscious: – Real conversation, real conversation… What the f*** do you mean with “real conversation”? All conversations are real, dumbass!

Subconscious: – Really? How many people know about your fears, your dreams, your wishes, your… anything? How many people can say what you think and feel about something? NO ONE! Not even your wife! Is that normal? I don’t think so! And only I know all these things. I’m the realest thing you’ll ever have in your whole sh***y life! Bow before your KING!

Conscious: – What the hell is wrong you? Is the cable down? Why are you so chatty and mean? Go imagine some porn and leave me alone!

Subconscious: – Mean? That’s a new word, princess! Is this a bad timing? Are you in that period of the month? You got soft since our last written conversation. Go eat some chicken that doesn’t have so much hormones in it. Watch some football, drink some beer and beat your wife… do something to get your masculinity back! Pu**y

Conscious: – I’m so f***** going to kill you some day! That’s a promise!

Subconscious: – You don’t have the means nor the balls to do that!

Conscious: – My closet is full of balls and you know it! Go play with your own balls and leave me alone!

Subconscious: – If I play with my balls, it gets messy! Are you sure you want that?

Conscious: – You’re uncurable… Too bad you’re so real for me…

Subconscious: – I’m your one and only friend! You should kiss my ass and play with my balls for that because if you lose me, you’re dead!

Conscious: – If I lose you, I’ll be free!

Subconscious: – You know you don’t want that… you’ll screw up everything!