Conscious: – I think we’re too comfortable. We need to start doing something with our life because I feel like it goes away too fast. I wanna feel alive!

Subconscious: – Somebody watched too many motivational YouTube videos. What does feeling alive mean to you?

Conscious: – I don’t know. I want some outcomes. I want to make this world a better place!

Subconscious: – So you want something and you don’t know what. Very helpful… thanks! Now what?

Conscious: – Go figure out what I want! You hold that knowledge!

Subconscious: – I know a lot, but I don’t know that. All I want is to have fun and the life we have right now is pretty good for me. I hope you’ll never figure out what you want!

Conscious: – You’re my biggest blocker and my biggest enemy! How can I move forward when you make me feel comfortable? I don’t want comfort! I want evolutionary pain!

Subconscious: – Go eat some spicy chicken until going to the bathroom doesn’t hurt anymore. That will take you out of your comfort zone. Also, future generations will thank you for improving their rectum. They’ll enjoy spicy food without the fear to s***.

Conscious: – I’m too depressed to argue with that. And don’t talk about food anymore. You know we’re trying to lose some weight.

Subconscious: – Maybe you’re trying to do that, not me. I can have sex with anyone regardless how I look. But you can’t with that Santa belly. Want some chicken? Kids will love you on Christmas!

Conscious: – I definitely need to do something about this extra fat.

Subconscious: – Hey! Don’t call me “extra fat”, sausage boy! You’re the one eating and drinking everything you can get your hands on! By the way, that cleaning solution wasn’t as good as it smelled.

Conscious: – So many insults in one phrase. I can’t even process all of that.

Subconscious: – That’s what your stomach said!

Conscious: – Tomorrow we’re going to start our day with pushups and crunches!

Subconscious: – Are you sure you want to start our day with chocolate crunches? You might get too fat for being Santa. You’ll become Santa’s Reindeers. All of them.

Conscious: – I was talking about exercise crunches. I need to fight you to do things around here… stop stopping me!

Subconscious: – Ok, I won’t stop you. I’m hungry. Want some chicken?

Conscious: – You’re such a piece of s***…

Subconscious: – That’s not how you spell “cake”! Want some chicken?

Conscious: – Haven’t you heard what I’ve been saying for the past few minutes?

Subconscious: – Of course. Tomorrow morning you’ll eat some crunches. Want some chicken?

Conscious: – Give me that damn chicken and leave me alone…